Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects! Ask Deanna! can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3:00 pm in Los Angeles, CA.
I've met an older white guy who treats my son and me very well! He gives me the attention I've longed for in previous relationships. I'm cautious about pursuing a serious relationship because of past hurts. He tells me that he will never hurt my child or me and will treat me as a queen. My question is should I lower my wall and allow a relationship to happen? S.B., On-Line Reader Dear S.B:
If this situation regardless of the mans age and color has the potential to be a healthy relationship for you and your child then take the risk. However you have the responsibility of discussing goals, your child's future and the long-term prospects of this relationship. You're in the honeymoon phase right now and everything looks and feels good. Take your time, pay attention and if this is what God has for you then it will be.
My best friend that I grew up with stabbed me in the back and started dating my daughter's father. They are now married and we don't talk at all. The only thing I want from her is an apology. She's a Christian and has ruined my church life completely. I haven't talked to my friend in over three years and I don't want my daughter in the middle of this. What suggestions do you have to help me deal with this? Saddened, Las Vegas, NV
Accept the fact you probably shared enough about your former boyfriend to make her go after him. She owes you an explanation only if you didn't see this happening. Your daughter still has to interact with them so this needs to be addressed and put to rest. Christian or not, you're personally responsible for your soul and church life. Since you're the concerned one take the first step by addressing the issue and seek a solution that you both can deal with.
My 20-year-old daughter had been living with her dad and his wife. He informed her that she would have to move out at the end of year so she didn't pay her car payment for two months. Her car got repossessed and although I'm in a bad place myself with two minor daughters, I tried to support her. My daughter is now angry with me, which is making me feel guilty. Am I wrong to feel guilty about my daughter? Anonymous, Los Angeles, CA
Your husband had the right idea of making your daughter independent and responsible. At age 20, there's no excuse for not paying her own bills so losing the car is her fault. As a mother you feel her pain but as an adult you have to allow her to mature, make mistakes and grow up. If you're struggling, she should be trying to help you. Realize that your daughter is an adult while you focus on the small kids that need you and keep it moving.